“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?"- Author Unknown

Saturday, August 6, 2016


July 26th- I had been feeling tired, bloated, and a little achy for a couple weeks... I had been regular for a few months, and had expected my period around July 11th, but thought with my job or PCOS I had become irregular... Couldn't be pregnant- but finally a test was purchased and I was completely shocked to see two lines pop up right away.

I was already 6 weeks.
I started prenatals and made appointments, and tried to convince myself this was happening to ME.

For a week, I experienced exhaustion, food tasted much better than usual, and a few other symptoms that let me know I was definitely carrying a tiny passenger.

On 8/1 I had some minor brown spotting, but was reassured that it wasn't bright red and my first OB appointment was 8/2
  Physical exam showed I was most definitely pregnant. He said I "felt" more like 9 or 10 weeks pregnant.

I was scheduled for another appointment next week and sent on my way with a little mommy gift bag.

The very next day I started experiencing bright red bleeding that increased.  Cramping intensified.  I called my nurse who let me know my HCG levels were lower than they would expect for as far along as I was, and that fact on top of my bleeding was an indication I would be miscarrying.  I went home and let everything pass.

The pain was intense, and something I will never forget. I am glad I didn't have to go to an ER even though I probably could have been spared a bit of physical pain, emotionally I felt better being home.  My body is coming down from horomones now, every day my boobs shrink a little more and hurt a little less.  My bloating has nearly disappeared.  

I can't be anything other than grateful I experienced pregnancy even for just a moment.  My reality is forever altered, and now I know I am in a much different body than when I first started this journey. 
I am devastated this pregnancy did not work out, but I am so hopeful for a successful pregnancy in the future.

My doctor said my weight loss had a lot to do with my fertility increasing.  When I started this journey I was 292 pounds, and pre-pregnancy I had recently gotten to 206 pounds.  I'm almost ready to start back at the gym but have still been experiencing random pain.  I know that with purpose, planning, and a little (okay, a lot of) luck- and for the first time I truly believe I will be a momma some day.


Savannah said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for your healing. God is always faithful and He will see you through this.

Meredith Garrett said...

I just popped on here and saw this post. I remember this day all too well myself. I love you just know that! **hugs**