Unexpected

July 26th- I had been feeling tired, bloated, and a little achy for a couple weeks... I had been regular for a few months, and had expected my period around July 11th, but thought with my job or PCOS I had become irregular... Couldn't be pregnant- but finally a test was purchased and I was completely shocked to see two lines pop up right away.

I was already 6 weeks.

I started prenatals and made appointments, and tried to convince myself this was happening to ME.

For a week, I experienced exhaustion, food tasted much better than usual, and a few other symptoms that let me know I was definitely carrying a tiny passenger.

On 8/1 I had some minor brown spotting, but was reassured that it wasn't bright red and my first OB appointment was 8/2

  Physical exam showed I was most definitely pregnant. He said I "felt" more like 9 or 10 weeks pregnant.

I was scheduled for another appointment next week and sent on my way with a little mommy gift bag.

The very next day I started experiencing bright red bleeding that increased.  Cramping intensified.  I called my nurse who let me know my HCG levels were lower than they would expect for as far along as I was, and that fact on top of my bleeding was an indication I would be miscarrying.  I went home and let everything pass.

The pain was intense, and something I will never forget. I am glad I didn't have to go to an ER even though I probably could have been spared a bit of physical pain, emotionally I felt better being home.  My body is coming down from horomones now, every day my boobs shrink a little more and hurt a little less.  My bloating has nearly disappeared.  

I can't be anything other than grateful I experienced pregnancy even for just a moment.  My reality is forever altered, and now I know I am in a much different body than when I first started this journey. 

I am devastated this pregnancy did not work out, but I am so hopeful for a successful pregnancy in the future.

My doctor said my weight loss had a lot to do with my fertility increasing.  When I started this journey I was 292 pounds, and pre-pregnancy I had recently gotten to 206 pounds.  I'm almost ready to start back at the gym but have still been experiencing random pain.  I know that with purpose, planning, and a little (okay, a lot of) luck- and for the first time I truly believe I will be a momma some day.